Pathways to Transformation

Managing Failures 

Roshan's Most Recent Article in TV Rao Learning Systems 

Dr. Madhavjee has been asked to write several pieces on health, well being and prosperity for several international publications. Take a look at her most recent article in Banglore's popular magazine published by TV Rao Learning Systems which is read by millions. 

 

 

This article discusses how we can move past failure and rise to the challenge to succeed. Dr. Madhavjee offers practical advice that helps one to manage their failure and most importantly the fear of failure. 

 

 

 

Managing Failure and Overcoming Fear of Failure

 

Would you do things differently if you knew you could not fail?

 

Introduction

The quality of our lives is often dictated by our reactions to failure and our fear of failure. If we set any meaningful goals, at some point, we are likely to experience this thing referred to as failure. If we do not attain what we set out to do, we call that failure. The fear of failure can cause some to not even try. This fear, possibly driven by past failure or the internalization of demeaning parents, friends, teachers or colleagues is very debilitating.

 

We know that failure is a part of life. We all experience it while learning to walk, riding a bike, or finding a partner. If failure is therefore unavoidable, what can we do to manage it or overcome the fear it generates and ultimately improve the quality of our lives?

 

Reactions to Failure

LET’S THINK ABOUT FAILURE: Conjure up an experience where you apply the word – are you bringing up the thoughts, words and pictures in your mind associated with it? Notice also the emotional wave which ripples through your body especially in your heart region. Are you feeling butterflies in your stomach or heaviness in the shoulders or dryness in the throat? The first reaction to failure is usually emotional. More often this initiates the survival mode (fight or flight) instinct resulting in irrational or ill-advised thoughts and actions.

 

There are three basic reactions to failure (and the fear of failure):

1. Give Up

2. Persist without reflection (which often leads to another failed attempt)

3. Persist with reflection (re-strategize)

 

Why would anyone choose options 1 or 2? Often times it is because we are not aware of our actions (that was me twenty years ago).

 

Giving up is the easiest thing to do and therefore the most common reaction. Many people start making excuses when things don’t go their way and start blaming themselves and circumstances. The dominant emotion here is fear – fear of everything - failure, success, judgment. Justifying their failure is easy, but standing up and going forward is difficult. People like this set goals again and again and each time quit and in the extreme cases they stop setting any worthwhile goals as fear paralyses them.

 

Those that persist without reflection tend to blame circumstances and others and will repeat their mistakes over and over. Albert Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” This reaction takes an enormous amount of energy and ultimately fails because there is no learning from mistakes. They eventually give up.

 

“I failed my way to success” – Thomas Edison. Those who are successful believe that failure is feedback in disguise. Try something, and if it does not work, reflect on it (learn from it), develop a revised strategy and try again. Each time you fail, you improve your understanding of what works and each time your strategy improves and increases your chances of attaining your ultimate goal.

 

Does Research Provide Any Insight?

Thirty years of research has put some answers within our reach. We have learned how to identify those who will grow after failure and those who will collapse. In the 1960’s research done by Donald Hiroto and Martin Seligman shed significant light on “learned helplessness.” It was clearly shown that when a group of people experienced discomfort over which they had no control, they simply accepted it after a brief period. In short, they became helpless even when placed in a situation to control the discomfort.

 

However, one-third of the people never became helpless because they interpreted the discomfort as either temporary or changeable. This group always believed that they could do something about whatever the situation which was occurring. In other words, they were optimists. Martin Seligman introduced the teaching of positive psychology through the Master of Applied Psychology (MAPP) degree program at Penn.

 

In 2008 Seligman helped the US army develop an initiative called Comprehensive Soldier Fitness (CSF) consisting of three components: a test for psychological fitness, self-improvement courses available following the test, and “master resilience training” (MRT) for drill sergeants. These are based on the PERMA: positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishments – the building blocks of resilience and growth.

 

One general theory of motivation and personality is the Self-Determination Theory (SDT) which tried, over the last thirty years, to explain why people have a natural tendency to active engagement and psychological growth. SDT postulates that human behavior is self-determined. In 2009, Timothy A. Pychyl published a summary paper on the latest research (done by Adam McCaffrey) under the umbrella of SDT on fear of failure and procrastination. He found that there was a strong correlation between autonomy, competence, vitality and relatedness with procrastination. Essentially it meant if you feel that your behavior is self-determined and you felt vital (energized or spirited) you procrastinate less.

 

A Summary View of the Research

The following are my insights from the research reviewed:

• Some people learn to be helpless (give up very quickly)

• Some people never learn and repeats their errors

• Some people learn from their mistakes and adapt their approach

• The extent to which people give up may be affected by vitality and competence

• The extent to which people repeat their errors may be affected by competence and the level of self-awareness

• The extent to which people learn and adapt is affected by all three: vitality, competence and self-awareness

 

To elaborate on our understanding, let us define these three variables:

• Vitality is the state of being strong and active, having lots of energy (and optimism) and the capacity to live and grow.

• Self-awareness is capacity to be conscious of one’s own traits, feelings, emotions and behaviors along with the awareness of one’s own strengths and weaknesses within the context of the problem at hand.

•  Competence is the cluster of abilities, commitments, knowledge and skills which enable someone to effectively complete a task

 

The Pitfalls of Life - A Real Life Example

Let us look at the stories of Oswald (the optimist) and Peter (the pessimist). Both were Harvard MBA graduates well on their way to the top of the finance division of their respective Wall Street firms. They were both laid off approximately 18 months ago. They were both shocked and became indecisive and anxious about the future.

 

Oswald’s mental state however, was temporary. Within two weeks, he told himself “I am very good at what I do and there will be demand for my skills….it is simply the economy going through a bad patch.” He updated his resume and sent it to twenty firms in New York all of whom promptly rejected him. He then tried a dozen firms in Chicago all of which again rejected him. He then tried eight firms in his hometown of Appleton Wisconsin, and eventually landed a position.

 

No doubt Oswald was positive despite all the rejection and still had a good flow of optimism.

 

Peter, by contrast spiraled into hopelessness:  “I cannot perform under pressure”; “I am not smart enough”; I am not articulate enough”; I never get anything right…..that is the reason I got fired” was some of the dominant thoughts running on auto-pilot throughout his day. “Finance is not my thing…..the economy will take years to recover” he continued. Even as the market got better, Peter did not look for another job. He eventually moved in with his parents in upstate New York.

 

Peter was negative and gave up as his optimism fuel was drained by his thoughts and emotions.

 

Bringing it all Together

Oswald and Peter are on opposite ends of the continuum of reactions to failure. Oswald managed the emotions emanating from failure such that they were less painful, lasted a shorter period of time and quickly learnt to adapt to it. He was self-aware, and knew that he was still the same competent employee he always was. Furthermore, his level of optimism was still high despite all the rejection as he probably started at a much higher level of vitality compared to Peter.

 

Peter on the other hand experienced the emotions so deeply (he was frozen by the echo – fear to try again) and for so much longer that he gave up in despair. He blamed others for his predicament and was not able to learn from the experience. Even though his competence had not changed, he externalized so much of the event and had such low levels of self-confidence to start that he simply could not recover.

 

What is it that drives polar-opposite reactions to failure? Some people refer to the variable which drives this difference as resilience – the ability to recover from anor change. By definition resilience returns something to its original state or position. However, why do some people fall short or go beyond their original point? I believe the key to resilience is the fuel that drives it – optimism.

 

Optimism is defined as the tendency to expect the best possible outcome or to dwell on the most hopeful aspects of a situation. Optimism drives us to look in the mirror first and avoid the pitfall of blaming others. It allows us to still view a rainy day as beautiful, a smiling child as gifted. It allows us to balance out the energy of fear which has become a dominating force in our lives and is the measurable element of vitality. Optimism is the key component of vitality and people with high levels of vitality look forward to each day with enthusiasm – they look forward to the possibilities each day brings.

It is people like Oswald who rise to the top and on whom the success of organizations is dependent. On the other hand, people like Peter will always find their careers stymied, and corporations loaded with such people will struggle and inevitably fail.

 

How do we Manage Failure?

How do you manage failure or the fear of doing so when you come face-to-face with it? Alvin Toffler said “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn.” Our perception of the word FAILURE is a learnt behavior to which Toffler’s insight applies.

 

There are three key steps in the Growth Mode Resilience Model (GMRM) to managing failure or to deal with the fear of failure:

1. Determine and address the Personal Vitality Index (PVI)

2. Determine and address the Self-Awareness Index (SWI)

3. Determine the Personal Competency Index (PCI)

 

When someone like Peter gives up, fear is the dominating emotion. Negative emotions overwhelm positive ones and the optimism tank runs dry. The key part of any program here is to remove the fears (using a number of simple techniques) and to taste success in small steps to build confidence, self-esteem and ultimately the PVI to a point where growth mode resilience is an established characteristic. We also need to help Peter improve his SWI so he remembers and appreciates how competent he was at his job.

 

In cases where someone blames others and repeats their mistakes, fear again is the dominant variable. We need to remove the fear which shackles accountability. Self-awareness and self-regulation (SWI) needs to be firmly established which in turn will lead to recognizing the lessons from the failures and ultimately to growth.

 

Oswald has what it takes already, but has to work hard and experience a lot of pain to grow from failure. The key here is to teach the simple techniques to these individuals to speed up the process and enhance the speed and effectiveness of growth

 

Every school, college, university and organizational training curriculum needs to have a program to teach people to become more optimistic and self-aware. It is the fuel that will drive personal resilience, community growth and corporate success. Ultimately, the adaptability of the human race may depend on it.

 

This makes me think about the sustainability of developing countries.  I think about people whom I met on a recent trip to India. Why are they still fighting to survive day by day? It is driven by their resilience and optimism.  They have defied the odds because of it. 

 

The GMRM applied easily via a variant of Energy Healing

The technique is based on Energy Healing. Energy Healing, in particular EFT is a combination of ancient Chinese Accu-pressure and modern Psychology used to release negative energy and replace it with positive ones. While I have used other methods, I have found that these simple techniques of Energy Healing and EFT has helped many to achieve amazing results. This tool has helped many of my clients to quickly transform their debilitating emotions into positive ones, and dissolving pessimism in the process. While placing them on a platform designed for success.

 

Chip Conley, founder of Joie de Vivre Hotels and author of PEAK and Emotional Equations had this to say about EFT “In my darkest hour, I discovered tapping, and miraculously, this unorthodox approach to making sense of my life moved me out of fog and into sunshine….this revolutionary healing technique”

 

My soon-to-be released book entitled: “The Growth Mode Resilience Model – A Simple Strategy for Happiness and Success” will detail out the very simple method of currently transforming lives from pessimism to optimism. It will include a manual with a workbook and simple guidelines to transform your life.

 

The material in this book truly leads us to shift our thinking about how we look at our mind and failure, and REMEMBER the body's innate ability to help heal itself by deprogramming and reprogramming. I would go so far as to suggest that this book should form part of a curriculum for students from an early age where subconscious beliefs and programming are first formed, right through to business school. Anyone diagnosed with a FAILURE-pessimism condition, anyone "worried" that they might be predisposed to a condition, or anyone simply looking to maintain their existing good mental optimism can benefit from reading this book.

 

It contains a wealth of information, as well as practical approaches for you to develop your own personal approach to your success and happiness:

 

• Proven techniques to achieve more than you’ve ever allowed yourself

• How to release fears and limitations that have kept you from shining at your full capacity

• How to get out of your own way

• How to increase your confidence and courage to facilitate a change in your life

• How to break through your imaginary ‘glass ceilings’

 

Anything is possible, miracles are always happening. Love and light.

 

 

Dr. Roshan Madhavjee